Right on target

October 17, 2007

Self-injection in stomach: check.
Painful HEHI exam #2: check.
Navy scrubs/white shoes: check.
Near mental breakdown: check.

So they told us we’d be freaking out at this time, and they were right. Everyone I know is a. stressed, b. exhausted, c. anxious and d. doubtful. I’m doubting myself and whether I can do this, I’m doubting this choice I made, I’m doubtful about my future and oh god. I am so doubting my ability to function in the clinical setting with real live patients instead of mannequins or classmates.

*I just had to look up the word “doubtful” because that is one weird-looking word and I was doubtful about my spelling. But it is indeed spelled like that. English is such a bizarre language.

Today we had a 3-hr lecture on Plans of Care. These things, these Plans of Care, are what we will be putting together every week for each patient. They include many pages of information, analysis, diagnoses, plans and interventions that hopefully will help with the problem we’re dealing with. With which we’re dealing. whatever. So at this time, if I were creating a Plan of Care for myself, I would fill out the Mental Status/Neuro section of it with a Nursing Diagnosis: Anxiety. Related to GOING INTO THE HOSPITAL NEXT WEEK. Secondary to BEING IN NURSING SCHOOL. Etc etc. It all seems very complicated and I couldn’t really take it in at once. Thankfully, they reassured us that until we prove that we have some idea what we’re doing, we won’t even be allowed to go into a patient’s room to introduce ourselves without our faculty being there. THANK YOU. I have some goals for the remainder of the semester, and I need maximum faculty supervision in order to fulfill these goals, which are, in order of priority …

1. Kill zero people of any age.
2. Harm zero people of any age. Especially poor innocent babies, but really, this applies to everyone.
3. Pass the class … convince Deb, myself, and other people I interact with that I can function in the clinical setting.
4. Make every effort to NOT be one of the 3-4 students each semester who has either a medication error or a needlestick. This means do not, do not, do not fuck up with insulin, heparin or digitoxin. DO NOT. Oh and don’t try to recap a used needle. Don’t want to get a bloodborne disease, there.
5. Make a fool of myself as little as possible.

I also have some secondary goals, which include but are not limited to:

1. Do not freak out patients by being awkward, blatantly incompetent or extremely and obviously nervous.
2. Get more than 6 hours of sleep each night (hasn’t been happening yet … can’t see why it would happen when I start going into clinic, but the goal still exists in some abstract form).
3. Stay sane.
4. Learn that Rachmaninov prelude well enough to actually play it.

Ok, now I’m going to take a nap, and then when I get up I’m going to study for my practical exam on Friday. Or should I study for my lecture exam next Wednesday? Or what about my practical a week from this Friday? I have so many options! Wow, yeah. It’s time to knock an hour or two off this sleep deficit I’ve got going.

It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay. It will. I hope.

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One Response to “Right on target”

  1. Emily said

    You can do it! I have only the teeniest inkling of what you’re going through-I start my CNA clinicals a week from today, but luckily for me (and my patients) my hands will be staying very far from needles for a while still.

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