January 21, 2008

Soren: HERE I AM!  How about we play with my train. (we work on it)Soren: I NEED SOME MORE STRAIGHT PIECES.Me: There aren’t any more, though … here, here are some curved ones.  They might work.Soren: (takes curved piece) I can use this, but it won’t be as splendid. 

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1/21/2008

January 21, 2008

Today was a really fucking hard day.  I don’t know why.  I didn’t have to do anything except sit through many hours of lecture (several of which were incredibly boring and pointless, but it’s not like it was a high-pressure or anxiety-causing situation).  Sometime during the early morning hours (we were learning about schizophrenia at the time) I was just hit by this wave of depression, loneliness and powerful feelings of being completely overwhelmed.  Ugh, it was awful.  I just wanted to get up and run out of the room and not come back.  I don’t want to be doing this right now.  I KNEW this semester would kick my ass as soon as it started, and I was right.  I’m tired.  There are so many little things piling up and stupid hoops we have to jump through and I just DON’T WANT TO.  I want a vacation.  I want to be with my friends, my friends who live thousands of miles away from me, the ones who make me feel better when I’m sad and keep me company no matter what.  I do not want to be here trying to study and feeling guilty when I don’t and trying to get to the gym and feeling shitty when I don’t and feeling shitty at 6:30 in the morning when I have to get up and being tired all the time. I believe I’ll be utilizing a negative & unhealthy coping strategy tonight and drinking most of a bottle of wine.  I’ll let y’all know how that goes.(I won’t be drinking alone.  There are many, many people in my class who are equally frustrated, tired & overwhelmed, and one of them will be bringing her boyfriend over here in a few hours to partake in the unhealthy coping activities I have described). 

A new year

January 12, 2008

I had such a lovely, relaxing three weeks off, and now I am back, and it’s pretty good. The weather is good, especially after visiting St. Paul, where the familiar freezing was … familiar … but not exactly pleasant. It’s just so much easier to live in a place where you don’t have to battle the temperature every time you go outside for five months.

So our first week was decent. This weekend is the time to get organized, though, because I can feel all the projects and papers and tests sort of floating around in the imminent future, and it’s overwhelming already. We also started clinicals this week, so I spent two days at the state mental institution. Psych is my first rotation this semester. I have some great people in my group, and a great supervisor, and woah does talking to people in a mental health institute change my perspective on my life. And the entire world.

Ok, I just can’t even think another thought until I get some coffee. This must be one of the lamest blogs ever.