After that

May 30, 2008

I thought I should write now, about the fun I had last night, so something positive goes on record in this meager blog.  First I engaged in some retail therapy, which I have been doing far more than I should lately, but it was still great.  P and I got glammed up and went dancing at this place which, conveniently, is right across the street from my apartment.

70’s funk music is awesome.  So is whiskey and club soda.  We danced for hours like the hot dancing nursing students we are, it was great.  We got home a little after 2 and crazily enough I am already up and out of bed, feeling slightly bleccch in the stomach but not bad.

Today is a library day.  I have to finish my paper on “self-efficacy and pain perception during labor and delivery.”  Actually an interesting topic, a very interesting topic, but I have no desire to write this paper.  Surprise surprise.

Mmm, tea.  I love tea.

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Nothing much new

May 29, 2008

Tomorrow is supposed to get up to 90.  Hello, summer.  Spring was nice but I knew it would be short here.

I have paid back some of my sleep debt, after a four-day weekend and a short week, finishing clinicals for the semester and writing a good chunk of the fun paper due on Tuesday.  I’m feeling annoyed at pretty much everyone and everything in my life right now, but I’m going to go ahead and chalk that up to hormones for the moment.  At least for today.  I don’t actually think everyone and everything that I come into contact with are inherently irritating.  A fair amount of it is probably me.

Today I became trained in the art of phlebotomy.  Actually, it’s really easy.  Drawing blood is so much simpler than starting an IV, it gave us all a little boost of confidence so we could go for the needle with the catheter right after.  We aren’t supposed to be starting IVs on each other at this point because the school hasn’t officially trained us to do it yet, but this is something that seems totally idiotic to me.  They should be encouraging this type of thing: one instructor, six students, careful supervision and experience gained.  It’s totally stupid to think we can learn something like IVs in a one-day four-hour seminar.  It doesn’t happen like that, OBVIOUSLY.  It doesn’t happen in a classroom.

Anyway, it was fun, and it was our second time doing it so that’s good.  If we have an instructor in July who drags us into a patient’s room to start one, we won’t be quite as scared.

Speaking of which, I don’t know what I’ll do if I have “boot camp” at the hospital where we had our OB clinical experience.  Our instructor was fabulous, but OMG.  That place is so depressing.  It just really creeps me out the way the patients have practically zero control over their own experiences.  They put everyone -everyone – on pitocin to “augment” labor, and I would bet my bottom dollar most of those women do not know the risks involved with that drug.  It’s not informed consent if the woman doesn’t speak English, Miss “I’m a third year med student and I know everything.”  And it’s certainly not informed consent if you say, “No there are not any other options if you want the baby to be okay and you want the baby to be okay DON’T YOU,” Dr. 80% C-section rate.  YUCK.

Also they don’t let students do ANYTHING.  I probably shouldn’t get started on how totally stupid it is to not let students ever do anything (simple shit, not like actually delivering babies.  Not that they do that there very often except in the OR).  We don’t have any experience, you say?  Well, help us out then by not letting us do anything.  That way, when we’re actually nurses, we still won’t know how to do anything.  It’s clearly the best system.

Wow, I really am full of whine.  Let’s see.  Um.  Good things, good things, happy things …

I’m coming up blank.  I think I only write in this thing when I need to vent.  And the fact is that I need to vent a lot.  Oh well.  The next time something thrilling and wonderful happens, I should write about it.

Teetering

May 14, 2008

Week 3?  It’s only week 3.  Third semester, third week, oh.  god.

Every time I leave my apartment I have this horrible feeling that I’m forgetting something crucial for my day.  (And the number of times I’ve had to go back –for my stethoscope, a book, my lunch, etc –is very high.)  But it’s SUCH A BAD feeling.

I wake up in a panic every morning, totally disoriented by my alarm clock.  What time is it?  What day is it?  What do I have to do today?  Where am I supposed to be?  Am I late?  Am I ready?  Why is it still so dark, why do I have to get up?

Stressed, yes, just a tad.  And anxious.  Mostly so tired.  I’m really starting to develop my theory that the school of nursing wants us to suffer.  Is this all a big test?  Are they waiting to see who’s going to fess up and say, HOLD ON.  This is too much for me.

That’s what we’re supposed to do when we’re nurses.  We’re not supposed to accept assignments we’re not comfortable with, that we don’t think we can do competently.

One day at a time, that’s my motto.  I lay down to take a nap today and started picturing the little baby I took care of today … did I stick that thermometer too far up her butt?  I didn’t hurt her, did I?  Maybe I should have told the primary nurse about her spitting up later on?  But it wasn’t too much.  Maybe I should have measured her head circumference.  Then I briefly imagined getting a phone call that something I did, today, had killed the baby.

Unlikely, but crap.  Do all nurses go home every day and thank the lord that they didn’t kill anyone this shift?

6 more weeks of the semester.  Suck.  I just want to sleep for a week.